Couldn't you see it? Kelley graduates.....
Riiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhtttttttt....... Yes.
Anyway, the teacher's were incapable of keeping me locked up within the realms of their personal boot camps (which is
too bad for them... they almost had me stuck there at one point) so in May I'm off to prom. This is something I've agreed
to do. In fact, I'm almost looking forward to it, which is semi-peculiar.
However, according to ALL of the girls I've talked to at school (don't mind me for over-exaggerating th ALL.....),
EVERYONE has a date. In fact, I had a date... why the hell am I doing this?!?!?!?!
Anyway, to help support the art of the rant, I'm going to continue because, in factuality, I don't actually have
a date yet. Well, I did... but that's beside the point. The point is, this idea is FUN, DAMNIT!!!!!!!(If anyone, and I do
mean ANYONE, has a connection to Elvis Stojko or his e-mail address, please inform me as soon as possible so I can ensure
he has the opportunity to become a part of this fantastic scheme... er.... idea. Thank you, come again!)
So I went to school the other day, right, and I got to thinking, "what would happen if I put myself up on eBay
for auction? I mean, would someone REALLY buy me?!" and then I continued thinking about the night before. My mom always threatens
to sell me but now everytime she does so, I hand her the website address and step-by-step instructions for eBay and she kind
of chuckles. Good times with my mom I tell ya. So here I am, wandering aimlessly and suddenly a great idea occurs to me...
"What if I put my PROM DATE on the internet and kind of try to auction the "best night of my life" off?!?!?!?! That would
be utterly fantastic!!! I'm so excited by this idea, in fact, that I end up running into a kid in the hallway. She falls down,
topples to her doom, and I'm standing over her looking like a giddy schoolgirl not because I just harmed a helpless little
human being but because I'm about to get a prom date over the INTERNET?!?!?! Who does that?!?!?! I don't even cyber!!! Not
that this should be compared to internet sex... it's much much different, clearly. I'm just stating the fact that I'm about
to do the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life. ALMOST as dumb as dating a hitch-hiker! (Never do that by the
way. It's great while it lasts, it's really funny once you're over it but there's that little period in between where you
just want to crush your head in a meat slicer. Trust me, I've been there.)
Anyway, getting back to my search for a date...
May... something something. The last weekend. It's on a Friday and Saturday. This is the date of my prom. Well,
technically Friday's the date of the prom but if you have any intentions what-so-ever to attend my day of overwhelming bliss,
you damn well had better come prepared for you not only have prom to attend but dry grad, grad ceremonies, and more parties
than you can handle all in a total of two nights. Can't handle the heat? Then don't sign up, silly...
I'd kind of like to have a random date. I don't really want to take someone I know. I mean, it's nothing against
the people I know. They don't smell or anything bad like that. Some of them are damned cool if I may say so (hi, Brad!!!)
but I'd rather take someone I have no connections with so I can make a really awkward evening out of it. I have every intention
in the book to make sure this weekend is the most 'unique' weekend you've ever spent in your entire life. It's gonna
be fun, crazy, psychotic, insanity, chaos and, let's not forget, complete and utter madness. It's going to probably be the
most intense weekend of your life.
SO! In short! If you're still up for the challenge, e-mail me and we'll see if we can get you started along the
path to insanity...
Just send your age, sex, location and a few really good lines (even reasons, perhaps) why I should take YOU. I'll
e-mail you back as soon as possible but if I go out of town to work during Christmas holidays, I won't be able to respond
until roughly the 5th of January. I leave on the 20th or some shindig along those lines.
Have yourself an excellent day, keep smiling and contemplate my complex date contemplation.
